As a mother, I often find myself reflecting upon those moments with my child that that seem to freeze time. Recently I had a moment with my son where nothing else captured my attention more than his tender heart and actions that communicated so much without any word spoken.
The night was like any other. I tucked my son in for the evening and joined my husband on the porch to gather some long awaited conversation from the day. As husband and wife, as well as young parents, we know how easy it is to let those moments of togetherness slip away beneath the craziness of dirty diapers, countless errands, work, and just sheer exhaustion. After sharing our thoughts on all that the day had held, we went into the house only to find that the baby monitor from our son's room was lit up--he was crying. We realized that his leg had somehow woven its leg between the crib bars and was clearly stuck. Dad quickly made his way to the bedroom and fixed the problem, as dads thankfully will often do. He then beautifully reassured our boy with gentle embraces and whispers that promised security and safety as he rested. He was placed back in the crib and turned out the light once more. As he made his way downstairs, all seemed to be okay. My husband's protective hugs and gentle words had soothed our babe. Yet, moments later, the cries began again. This was not typical of him, as he normally would go right back to sleep, and my heart knew that I had to listen to my mother's gut: for some reason, there was still doubt in his mind that he was safe to rest his sweet head, and he needed just one more reminder that all was well.
When I entered his room, he sat there with tears streaming down his baby soft cheeks. I scooped him into my arms and brought him to the rocking chair where he immediately buried his face into my shoulder and snuggled tightly on my chest. I rocked in a steady back and forth rhythm and spoke to him that he was held and that he was safe. It was the next moment that is still vividly etched in my mind. Suddenly, between the rocking motion, he propped himself up off of my chest and looked directly into my eyes. He then brought his lips toward me and gently kissed mine as if to say, "Thank you, Mom, for your snuggles that told me I was secure. I can now rest my head and let the night bring me sweet dreams."
I will not forget this moment. It was just a moment, but it taught me so much about how the Savior does the same for me. When I find myself crying in the night, I know that He will gently rock me and whisper, "All is well." He will never reject me in my fear, nor will He withhold his love from me when I feel so alone and weak. He is always there, ready to scoop me up in His arms and to hold me tight when the night is just too dark to close my eyes. When I need just one more reminder, He is there and will never leave my side.
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
I Marvel at You
To my precious child,
When I look at you, I am filled with awe and wonder at the miracle of you. I marvel at the beauty of your crystal blue eyes, how they seem to pierce right through my being and reach my soul. I marvel at how your lips form a perfect tulip and how they open and close as you repeatedly utter the words, "Ma, mama, ma..." I am in awe of how your fingers open and close with such grace as you carefully pick up your favorite book and then delicately turn the pages over and over again. I am amazed at how your arms and legs have become so strong--- how you use them to make your way across the room and then to reach up toward me as your eyes longingly ask for my embrace. Precious child, I marvel at the miracle of you.
How is it that God has been so good to me? He has brought you, dear one, to my arms and allows me to hold you close each day, to dance with you in gentle swaying motion throughout the kitchen, to pray with you each night as I tuck you into bed. My Savior has brought me a gift by sending you-- a gift so perfect. How did I get to be the one to raise such a beautiful boy? My heart marvels once again at the wonder of it all. I am in awe once more as I think on God's grace, for it reaches far beyond what I deserve, and it blesses me in ways that I do not understand.
So tonight, once more I gaze at the beauty of you, my precious child. It is in these moments that I do all that I know to do. I reach up my arms toward my most gracious heavenly Father, and I thank Him. I thank Him for His miracles. I thank Him for His grace. I thank Him for the privilege of gazing into your eyes and marveling at the gift of you.
Precious God,
I am truly overwhelmed by all that you have done. Your goodness to me is more than I deserve. How do I ever thank you enough for your mercy and your grace? You have given me my heart's desire, and have allowed me to raise a precious baby boy. How can I ever give you all of the praise that you deserve? May my life reflect a grateful heart as I seek your face and ask for your strength each day to raise this sweet boy, your child, in the ways of you. I need you, Lord. I need you. Thank you for your faithfulness and your promise to guide. I love you more than I could ever say.
In Jesus' Name
Amen
When I look at you, I am filled with awe and wonder at the miracle of you. I marvel at the beauty of your crystal blue eyes, how they seem to pierce right through my being and reach my soul. I marvel at how your lips form a perfect tulip and how they open and close as you repeatedly utter the words, "Ma, mama, ma..." I am in awe of how your fingers open and close with such grace as you carefully pick up your favorite book and then delicately turn the pages over and over again. I am amazed at how your arms and legs have become so strong--- how you use them to make your way across the room and then to reach up toward me as your eyes longingly ask for my embrace. Precious child, I marvel at the miracle of you.
How is it that God has been so good to me? He has brought you, dear one, to my arms and allows me to hold you close each day, to dance with you in gentle swaying motion throughout the kitchen, to pray with you each night as I tuck you into bed. My Savior has brought me a gift by sending you-- a gift so perfect. How did I get to be the one to raise such a beautiful boy? My heart marvels once again at the wonder of it all. I am in awe once more as I think on God's grace, for it reaches far beyond what I deserve, and it blesses me in ways that I do not understand.
So tonight, once more I gaze at the beauty of you, my precious child. It is in these moments that I do all that I know to do. I reach up my arms toward my most gracious heavenly Father, and I thank Him. I thank Him for His miracles. I thank Him for His grace. I thank Him for the privilege of gazing into your eyes and marveling at the gift of you.
Precious God,
I am truly overwhelmed by all that you have done. Your goodness to me is more than I deserve. How do I ever thank you enough for your mercy and your grace? You have given me my heart's desire, and have allowed me to raise a precious baby boy. How can I ever give you all of the praise that you deserve? May my life reflect a grateful heart as I seek your face and ask for your strength each day to raise this sweet boy, your child, in the ways of you. I need you, Lord. I need you. Thank you for your faithfulness and your promise to guide. I love you more than I could ever say.
In Jesus' Name
Amen
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Just a Little While Longer
I kiss my sweet boy on the forehead, utter the last word of the familiar bedtime song, and then start to make my way toward the door of my son's bedroom. In my mind, I am already am putting together a "to do" list for what I can accomplish while he is sleeping. I am on a determined mission to accomplish much, to busy myself with all that needs to be done, and to fulfill the expectations which I have set for myself for the day. Yet, as I turn to walk out the door, my son catches my hand and grips it as if to say, "Just a little while longer, mommy." I stop and turn toward him as he looks up at me, his eyes gleaming with a love that penetrates deep into the depths of my heart. I pull in close to him, and at the same time, he responds with delightful giggles and outstretched hands. He is not ready to drift off to sleep, but rather, he wants a few more moments with the one he loves. This, to him, is of greatest importance. All else fades in comparison.
My heart is touched, for once again, this precious son of mine, has spoken to my heart. He does not teach me by any spoken words, but rather through the simplicity of his life. My life so often is just the opposite of simple; rather it becomes filled. Yes, filled to the brim. Filled with the weight of expectations which I place upon myself--expectations to have the house cleaned, laundry done, bills paid, schedules set, people called, "the good mom" tasks completed, and devotions checked off the list. Yet, the continuous pursuit to somehow base my worth on performance leaves me exhausted, worn down, and feeling like I fall short over and over again.
As I now close the door to his room, I am left with these questions and thoughts that go deep into my soul: What truly is the definition of "simplicity" as it relates to my very being? Could it be that I have not fully grasped onto what it really means? Is my life moving farther from simplicity and becoming more complicated as I seek find satisfaction in all that I can accomplish as a wife, a mother, and a friend? Maybe my life was meant to reflect the same kind of simplicity that my son models for me in these very moments. His life is not defined by what he accomplishes, but rather by the fact that he is cherished, and that is enough for him. He does not try to impress, nor does he seek to accomplish much. He has chosen to simply exist as one who is loved.
Lord, I too, want to choose to live by this kind of simplicity. Instead of focusing on fulfilling expectations, I want to find myself seeking that which is of greatest importance: Your heart. I want to be the one that reaches out to You again and again, and at the end of the day, gaze into lovely face, just a little while longer.
My heart is touched, for once again, this precious son of mine, has spoken to my heart. He does not teach me by any spoken words, but rather through the simplicity of his life. My life so often is just the opposite of simple; rather it becomes filled. Yes, filled to the brim. Filled with the weight of expectations which I place upon myself--expectations to have the house cleaned, laundry done, bills paid, schedules set, people called, "the good mom" tasks completed, and devotions checked off the list. Yet, the continuous pursuit to somehow base my worth on performance leaves me exhausted, worn down, and feeling like I fall short over and over again.
As I now close the door to his room, I am left with these questions and thoughts that go deep into my soul: What truly is the definition of "simplicity" as it relates to my very being? Could it be that I have not fully grasped onto what it really means? Is my life moving farther from simplicity and becoming more complicated as I seek find satisfaction in all that I can accomplish as a wife, a mother, and a friend? Maybe my life was meant to reflect the same kind of simplicity that my son models for me in these very moments. His life is not defined by what he accomplishes, but rather by the fact that he is cherished, and that is enough for him. He does not try to impress, nor does he seek to accomplish much. He has chosen to simply exist as one who is loved.
Lord, I too, want to choose to live by this kind of simplicity. Instead of focusing on fulfilling expectations, I want to find myself seeking that which is of greatest importance: Your heart. I want to be the one that reaches out to You again and again, and at the end of the day, gaze into lovely face, just a little while longer.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Baby Kisses
My little one reaches up toward me with arms outstretched. In response, I swoop him into my arms at which he responds by pulling in close, his soft cheeks right next to mine. In the next moment, he turns toward me with a wide smile and proceeds to bring his lips, wet with spit, up to mine. In the only way he knows how, he kisses me once, and then again. Finally he places his arms around my neck and brings his head into my chest.
In recent days, I have found myself reflecting on this interaction between my son and me, and I can't help but to ponder these moments filled with baby kisses. Oh how beautiful are these times; for when he brings his lips in next to mine, he does so without regret, without shame. There is nothing that causes him to hesitate or to second guess this gesture of love. Further, he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will not neglect his sweet embrace, but rather, I will respond by pulling him in even closer, and kissing him in return. I whisper into his ear sweet songs of adoration and speak truth into his little heart--truth which tells him that there is never any shame in whom God has created him to be. I whisper truth that he is one who reflects the love of His Creator; he is a child that is loved unconditionally, and his heavenly Father loves him with no regrets. In response to hearing my voice and the words that I speak, he rests once more, for he knows that these words are true. His little heart knows.
Could I, too, approach my Savior with my arms outstretched, knowing that He is there to swoop me up into His loving embrace? Could I also pull in close to Him with such confidence, knowing that I never need to feel any shame or regret? Can my trust in Him be so complete that I am able to hear Him whisper sweet songs into my ear and blessed truth into every crevice of my heart? Oh, Lord, may I be like a child again! Let me wrap my arms around your neck as I gaze into your beautiful face. Bring me back to a place of sweet rest upon your chest as you sing over me the words, "My Beloved, you are mine."
In recent days, I have found myself reflecting on this interaction between my son and me, and I can't help but to ponder these moments filled with baby kisses. Oh how beautiful are these times; for when he brings his lips in next to mine, he does so without regret, without shame. There is nothing that causes him to hesitate or to second guess this gesture of love. Further, he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will not neglect his sweet embrace, but rather, I will respond by pulling him in even closer, and kissing him in return. I whisper into his ear sweet songs of adoration and speak truth into his little heart--truth which tells him that there is never any shame in whom God has created him to be. I whisper truth that he is one who reflects the love of His Creator; he is a child that is loved unconditionally, and his heavenly Father loves him with no regrets. In response to hearing my voice and the words that I speak, he rests once more, for he knows that these words are true. His little heart knows.
Could I, too, approach my Savior with my arms outstretched, knowing that He is there to swoop me up into His loving embrace? Could I also pull in close to Him with such confidence, knowing that I never need to feel any shame or regret? Can my trust in Him be so complete that I am able to hear Him whisper sweet songs into my ear and blessed truth into every crevice of my heart? Oh, Lord, may I be like a child again! Let me wrap my arms around your neck as I gaze into your beautiful face. Bring me back to a place of sweet rest upon your chest as you sing over me the words, "My Beloved, you are mine."
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Delight
It is two o'clock in the afternoon, and her feet make their way slowly up the stairway while her five and a half month old snuggles in a little closer. He lays his head upon her chest and listens. He listens to the heartbeat of the mother who loves him. And once again, he is at peace, for he knows that she delights in him.
Together they enter his tiny room where his crib sits firmly tucked against the wall. She holds him a little closer as she whispers into his ear, "It is time to rest my son; it is time to close those eyes and dream ever so sweetly." He knows that his mommy will not forget him while he sleeps, but that she will indeed watch over him so that he can rest securely. Again he lays his head down on her chest, and he listens. He listens to the voice of the mother whom he trusts. And once again, he is at peace, for he knows that she delights in him.
She places him in his crib, and shortly after he settles, he is looking up into her eyes as she returns his gaze. For a moment, his arms stretch upward as he reaches to touch her hair that has fallen out of the ponytail, once fresh in the early hours of the morning. She chuckles as his little fingers gently swipe her cheek, and then she asks him, " Shall we sing?"
He doesn't have to consider her question a moment longer, but instead, in excitement, his arms move rapidly up and down as he waits for the music to start and for her voice to utter its familiar melody. While she sings, he watches intently, sometimes trying to mimic the movement of her lips with his. And while he watches, he listens. He listens to the voice of the mother who sings over him. And once again, he is at peace, for he knows that she delights in him.
In this moment too, his mother is listening to her Savior. He again reminds her of how these cherished times with her son are ones on which she can refect. He says to her, "Oh my precious child. See how you cherish your son? You love him deeply, passionately, and tenderly. Your heart is filled emotions and feelings that you never knew existed. Yet as deep as your love goes, can you imagine how my love for you is that much greater? And not only do I love you, but I love to spend time with you as you gaze into my eyes and reach out to me. So, my precious child, take time to rest upon my chest and listen to the sweet songs that I sing over you. Be at peace once more, my beloved, for in you, I delight."
Dear Lord,
Thank you for your promise in Zephaniah 3:17, which says, "...He [the LORD] will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing" (NIV). Thank you that you rejoice over me and that you truly do delight in me. Let my love for my son be an outpouring of the love that you have given me. And let me always be listening to the sweet songs that you sing.
In Jesus' Name,
Amen
Together they enter his tiny room where his crib sits firmly tucked against the wall. She holds him a little closer as she whispers into his ear, "It is time to rest my son; it is time to close those eyes and dream ever so sweetly." He knows that his mommy will not forget him while he sleeps, but that she will indeed watch over him so that he can rest securely. Again he lays his head down on her chest, and he listens. He listens to the voice of the mother whom he trusts. And once again, he is at peace, for he knows that she delights in him.
She places him in his crib, and shortly after he settles, he is looking up into her eyes as she returns his gaze. For a moment, his arms stretch upward as he reaches to touch her hair that has fallen out of the ponytail, once fresh in the early hours of the morning. She chuckles as his little fingers gently swipe her cheek, and then she asks him, " Shall we sing?"
He doesn't have to consider her question a moment longer, but instead, in excitement, his arms move rapidly up and down as he waits for the music to start and for her voice to utter its familiar melody. While she sings, he watches intently, sometimes trying to mimic the movement of her lips with his. And while he watches, he listens. He listens to the voice of the mother who sings over him. And once again, he is at peace, for he knows that she delights in him.
In this moment too, his mother is listening to her Savior. He again reminds her of how these cherished times with her son are ones on which she can refect. He says to her, "Oh my precious child. See how you cherish your son? You love him deeply, passionately, and tenderly. Your heart is filled emotions and feelings that you never knew existed. Yet as deep as your love goes, can you imagine how my love for you is that much greater? And not only do I love you, but I love to spend time with you as you gaze into my eyes and reach out to me. So, my precious child, take time to rest upon my chest and listen to the sweet songs that I sing over you. Be at peace once more, my beloved, for in you, I delight."
Dear Lord,
Thank you for your promise in Zephaniah 3:17, which says, "...He [the LORD] will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing" (NIV). Thank you that you rejoice over me and that you truly do delight in me. Let my love for my son be an outpouring of the love that you have given me. And let me always be listening to the sweet songs that you sing.
In Jesus' Name,
Amen
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Unafraid and Unashamed
Small hands with tender fingers stroking her face. Piercing blue eyes staring into those of the one who loves him. Arms outstretched and unashamed. It as if he says, "I am your beloved one." Oh, how beautiful and free.
It was a morning like any other, and maybe some would still consider it a normal day when all said and done, but for me, it was one that is forever etched in my heart and mind. Little did I know that one interaction would give me a new perspective on what it means to walk freely, forgiven.
Just as a stroked the last of the mascara on my eyelashes, the sounds of my sweet infant son could be heard from upstairs. As I made my way to him, my heart was again reminded of the tremendous gift that God had given to me by sending him into our lives. He truly was a miracle. Having found healing from a past eating disorder that had plagued my mind, body, and soul, I had spent the last few years desperately praying that I would be able to conceive. Pregnancy test after test, I became discouraged by the negative results again and again. Would I ever hold a child that had grown in my womb? Would I ever have the privilege of wiping little tears from rosebud cheeks? Would I ever feel the tender hands in mine as I listened to my little one utter simple, child-like prayers before bed? Yet God knew the deepest desire of my heart; He had not forgotten the cries that poured from my soul. And, in His perfect timing, he sent Stuart Raymond, His beautifully created one.
Now my little boy lay awake with anticipation in his eyes. The soft creaking of the floor was a familiar sound for him as I approached, ready to swoop him into my arms. Reaching his bedside, I stopped, and in that moment, our eyes locked. It seemed as if our hearts beat to the same rhythm. And then, in the next instant, my precious boy did something that I will never forget. Without reserve, shame, or fear, he reached with both of his hands and tenderly placed his hands on my cheeks, all the while, never losing eye contact with me. We were one. No one and nothing else mattered in that moment but our relationship. Our souls danced to the same song, never losing step with each other. In words spoken loudly from his heart, he said to me, "Mama, I am yours. Hold me, and let me rest my head upon your chest as I trust your love for me."
As I picked him up, I found myself reflecting upon that brief but powerful interaction with my precious Stuart. His heart knew that he could reach for me and that I would respond with unconditional love. He did not have to do anything to prove his worth or his value; rather, he trusted my sweet embrace. The Lord spoke to my heart saying, "Beloved child, I love you. You are mine. Come to me without reserve, without shame, without fear and let me feel your tender hands upon my cheeks. Let me wipe your tears. Let me hold you as you rest upon my chest. I am your loving Savior who will not reject you in your messes, your hurts, your failures, or your pain. Rather, I stand here with open arms ready to swoop you up and carry you through it all. I am full of grace. I am the Lover of your soul, the One who has paid for every one of your sins through my shed blood on the cross. You are forgiven, child. Oh, how beautiful and free.
"Lord, thank you for what you are teaching me through my child. You indeed, are the lover of my soul. You are the one that has forgiven me. Help me to come to you as a child today, unashamed. I want to trust your grace."
In Jesus' Name,
Amen
It was a morning like any other, and maybe some would still consider it a normal day when all said and done, but for me, it was one that is forever etched in my heart and mind. Little did I know that one interaction would give me a new perspective on what it means to walk freely, forgiven.
Just as a stroked the last of the mascara on my eyelashes, the sounds of my sweet infant son could be heard from upstairs. As I made my way to him, my heart was again reminded of the tremendous gift that God had given to me by sending him into our lives. He truly was a miracle. Having found healing from a past eating disorder that had plagued my mind, body, and soul, I had spent the last few years desperately praying that I would be able to conceive. Pregnancy test after test, I became discouraged by the negative results again and again. Would I ever hold a child that had grown in my womb? Would I ever have the privilege of wiping little tears from rosebud cheeks? Would I ever feel the tender hands in mine as I listened to my little one utter simple, child-like prayers before bed? Yet God knew the deepest desire of my heart; He had not forgotten the cries that poured from my soul. And, in His perfect timing, he sent Stuart Raymond, His beautifully created one.
Now my little boy lay awake with anticipation in his eyes. The soft creaking of the floor was a familiar sound for him as I approached, ready to swoop him into my arms. Reaching his bedside, I stopped, and in that moment, our eyes locked. It seemed as if our hearts beat to the same rhythm. And then, in the next instant, my precious boy did something that I will never forget. Without reserve, shame, or fear, he reached with both of his hands and tenderly placed his hands on my cheeks, all the while, never losing eye contact with me. We were one. No one and nothing else mattered in that moment but our relationship. Our souls danced to the same song, never losing step with each other. In words spoken loudly from his heart, he said to me, "Mama, I am yours. Hold me, and let me rest my head upon your chest as I trust your love for me."
As I picked him up, I found myself reflecting upon that brief but powerful interaction with my precious Stuart. His heart knew that he could reach for me and that I would respond with unconditional love. He did not have to do anything to prove his worth or his value; rather, he trusted my sweet embrace. The Lord spoke to my heart saying, "Beloved child, I love you. You are mine. Come to me without reserve, without shame, without fear and let me feel your tender hands upon my cheeks. Let me wipe your tears. Let me hold you as you rest upon my chest. I am your loving Savior who will not reject you in your messes, your hurts, your failures, or your pain. Rather, I stand here with open arms ready to swoop you up and carry you through it all. I am full of grace. I am the Lover of your soul, the One who has paid for every one of your sins through my shed blood on the cross. You are forgiven, child. Oh, how beautiful and free.
"Lord, thank you for what you are teaching me through my child. You indeed, are the lover of my soul. You are the one that has forgiven me. Help me to come to you as a child today, unashamed. I want to trust your grace."
In Jesus' Name,
Amen
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)